Gruntipedia fun: Prophet of Jingle Bells
' The Prophet of Jingle Bells', his true name is The Prophet of Christmas Past, Present and Future, but most call him the Prophet of Jingle Bells because whenever he goes into war he brings his 9000 symphonies of singing jackels who play bells to the theme of Ticket To Ride. This...is his story. Early Life The Prophet of Jingle Bells' true name is actually Grunt Santa Claus. He was raised on the planet, Hoth . There he had a dream, to go and bring the season of good cheer to the covenant and apparently Steve Jobs had possessed him so he bought an iPhone 3000SJE. Jingle Bells attended the university of IN DA HOOD. There he learned how to take care of HIS BEEYATCH, such as how to 'FEED' it and how to 'TAKE CARE' of it until it got to the stage where 'it' worships you and believes that Darth Vader will grap 'it' and take 'it' away to the Planet of the Apes and force 'it' into a brothel run by Pawnee'noobsee's brute alter ego... Pwnaurus. He obviously graduated and moved to the Grunt homeworld to bring the season of Christmas *cough *cough to Grunts all over the universe and to give a PHUCK!!! Life at the North Pole Soon, the prophet settled at the west pole and set out kidnapping employing prostitutes to work for him. Now prostitutes were a very mysterious species and were about half the size of a grunt. They were considered the slaves of grunty society and so many were forced into the brothel ring lead by Pawnee'noobsee and his friend... but that's what they were born to do... He soon set up a industrial park for all the toy producers of the world and production started immediately. It had begun... How he Became a Prophet Two years later, he signed up for the role of a Prophet with the Covenant. He had all the qualification to be a prophet, the only one being RAPE a PERSON and KILL it in the PROCESS. The Covenant The Prophet of Jingle Bells was one of the least well known Prophets in the Covenant. The Prophet of Jingle Bells was in charge of the gift department in the Covenant. If a covenant unit returned from battle VICTORIOUS then he could buy a gift from the Prohet of Jingle Bells for 9,000,000 Truth Head coins which is about the equivalent to 1.99 credits in human terms... if they shoplifted from his store then they would be forced to listen to Jackals sing until their minds imploded. However he got in trouble for killing GayYap and so fled in his sleigh to Mother Russia. He then used rocket to fly off into space and land on the moon where he lived with the nazis like in Iron Sky. But he then ass raped everone and they all became his elve slaves! Christmas Time At Grunty Christmas which is actually the 7 July, Jingle Bells uses his magical phantom to deliver the presents to the children of the Covenant Empire. Also on board is his army of singing jackels who tell the children that they better get to bed and go to sleep or their brains will implode. He also gives a flood infection form to every girl and boy! and if they good (and a girl) he buys them a condom and shows them how to use it...they normally get STD (sexually transmited diseases) and AIDS! JINGLE BELLZ ON THE BIG SCREENZ! Like the Prophet of Haters, Jingle Bells soon realised how awesome his story was and decided to go and have a movie made all about himself. So he met up with 30th Century Fox and they made the movie starring: *The Prophet of Jingle Bells as Himself *Chuck Norris as Master Chief *Brittany Spears as Miranda. *Lady Gaga as Cortana. *Dr. Phill as Gravemind and himself *Soulja Boy as Soulja Boy the Jackal *Will Smith as Sgt. Johnson *Gary Coleman as Kwarsh *J'Suz Kusov as Himself *A random Midget as Yapyap *Adolf Hitler as the Prophet of Truth *Michael Jackson as The Arbiter *Bob Dole as Lord Hood *Tom Cruise as Jesus *a bunch of earthworms as the hunter *Miley Cyrus as The Prophet of Twerking It also required music, which they hired The Priests, The High Kings, Sinead O Connor, The Cornas, Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, The Royal Symphony Orchestra and some monks. It was directed by Mel Brookes and produced by the Prophet of Jingle Bells. The movie has hit 900000 views by grunts, elites, spartans, noobs, and me. Runtime: since the time of the Human-Covenant war Category:Characters Category:Unseen Characters Category:Douchebags Category:People who can Kill Master Chief Category:Shit people complain about Category:Tall people Category:Prophets Category:Mythical Beings Category:Your Mother Category:Assholes Category:Things that kick ass Category:People who are awesome Category:Gruntipedia Inside Jokes Category:B-class articles Category:Bosses Category:Helping noobs understand stuff Category:Halo 3 Legendary Ending Category:Fan fiction Category:Purple Category:People who are old Category:Shit nobody cares about Category:Teabag